After about 12 years of no contact I decided to reach out to my sister thinking maybe she’d be interested in building a relationship. Unfortunately it seems she learned to be an exact clone of her narcissistic sociopath mother, which was heart breaking all over again. She used to be my little buddy growing up but took her place as golden child after I moved out. I’m sure the lies and manipulation have gotten far worse after I went no contact and I’ve seen plenty of evidence of this. I was, and always have been, the scapegoat of my immediate family, and because of my mother spreading lies throughout the family it only got worse over the years. I spent my childhood being ignorant of how damaging she was to my personality and emotions while being the backbone of the family. I wanted to share a couple e-mails just to show how emotionally dead narcissists are and how little they really care about you. I think this is also a great look into modern women as well, considering a sister can’t even have a real conversation with her blood brother without completely ignoring his emotions, thoughts, and feelings. What chance do us men have in the dating realm when female family members treat men this way.
After the first e-mail I sent her she ignored all my accomplishments, didn’t check out any of my travel videos or websites, didn’t even mention any of it. She went into talking about a bunch of good memories, some of which were very bad memories for me because she either ignored the reality, was gas lighting, or didn’t want to admit how terrible her mother truly is as she stands proud as the golden child. Here is my follow up e-mail correcting the “good times” and explaining what really happened to me as a child.
From me to my sister.
I don’t choose to block out those good memories with you. It may be difficult for you to understand what I went through all those years because I had no one to turn too. I was the black sheep, the scape goat. I was always called “difficult” because I didn’t follow moms orders as she saw fit. I always tried to shield you from it all too, even during the divorce. I had to be the parent to both of them, I had to to protect you because they didn’t care.
Throughout my childhood most of the things mom did were superficial for her to look like a good mother. Underneath it all she sabotaged my life over and over again growing up. From friends, to sports, to my career in Arizona.. it was always all about her.
You would be shocked if you spent just a year in my shoes growing up. You were always my little buddy and it broke my heart when you started defending mom when she’d gas light me into a rage after I came home from Arizona.
My childhood is filled with memories of pain because of her. For you the Hairy Potter stories were fun but you don’t see what she was doing to me in the process. That story alone is painful and I remember it like it was yesterday…
Back when you had your seizures mom treated you like the scapegoat… she used to tell me things like you can’t learn right and have trouble in school and other mean things. She used to read me Hairy Potter every night and then it all changed. As your seizures went away and I started rebelling against her one night mid-book she just stopped reading to me and started reading to you. Never said anything, I walked by and saw she picked up reading from me and went to you. She played favorites with which child would bring her more narcissistic supply over and over again.
She used to gas light me and dad where dad would literally hold me down on the floor for hours while I fought to get away. Then she would pretend to be the good guy to both of us after we fought. Dad used to come into my room crying because he didn’t understand why we were fighting… this happened hundreds of times.
Some of my other early childhood memories like at 11, when mom used to barge into my room and turn the lights on while I was trying to fall asleep and accuse me of being on drugs….. 11 at night when I had school in the morning. This happened 10-15 times before I literally walked to the hardware store after school and bought locks to install on my door.. at 11 years old.
It got to the point where I would crawl into Tazes inside the garage house and cuddle him for hours crying just hiding from her. This happened hundreds of times.
Other things like my constant stomach pain in the mornings growing up… she would run around the neighborhood saying how good of a mom she was taking me to dr.s appointments and doing tests, shoving things down my throat and checking for cancer, blah blah blah, meanwhile I was just hungry in the mornings because she was too busy doing her hair to make breakfast. I was sent to school with a sugar poptart and there was never even eggs for me to cook something myself. She got more enjoyment out of looking like a good mom than actually being a good mom. Turns out I had no problems with my stomach at that point and just needed breakfast…
Another example of her gas lighting is Chloe. To you that might seem like a good memory… but for me its not. Dad brought home a book where I could see the types of dog breeds and I always wanted a big dog to play with. Mom ended up buying a 12lb Shihtzu… I remember asking her how big she would get and she said that’s it. That’s why I left her with that dog because it wasn’t for me, it was for her.
From there she started sabotaging my friendships and sports. She got me braces and would brag to my friends about how I had braces, she’d give them tin foil to pretend they had braces and she would do other things to make them jealous of me. In return over time my friendships turned into malice as those friend groups started to hate me. This all started in the school she taught in as well. Teachers in her friend group would start to single me out and bully me as well. They’d say things why are you acting like this your mother is so great, your mom is the best, why are you such a bad kid. Over and over.
Within the family she started telling everyone I was a troubled kid, making problems, and difficult to deal with meanwhile it was her gas lighting me the entire time. She used to force me to go to some psychiatrist lady that simply prescribed me anti depressants which made things even worse. I refused to take them after a month because they were terrifying. She tried her best to make me look like the problem because I was rebelling against her narcissism. She tried for months to make me take those pills.. anti depressants at 15. I wasn’t depressed… I was terrified of my own mother.
This happened for years… my friend groups turned into hate groups that would bully me and spread lies about me all because mom was planting these seeds in their head. I watched her do it. When I would have girls over she would act really creepy and aggressive.
Later on when the braces weren’t enough she talked me into doing the jaw surgery. I never wanted to do that, what kind of kid wants to do a cosmetic jaw surgery??? Where he has to literally tie his mouth shut for months all to have the perfect jaw and smile??? Those were never my ideas…
She talked me into quitting the football team as a kid when I was playing quarterback because she saw how much I actually loved it. This carried into highschool as well. The reason I dropped out of school after freshman year was because of mom. She literally told the coach I had some random disease and shouldn’t play… I literally sat the bench the entire year never playing.. at the end of the season the coach said in the celebration of the year that Logan did well with his disease and blah blah blah and thats when I knew the real reason I never played. I was the best player on the team but didn’t play a single minute in high school. How do I know this? Because on the tournament teams with Kyle Brown I literally played 85% of the game.. more than anyone else.
I have thousands of stories like this that block out the good memories and I’m thankful you mentioned them in your e-mail because I don’t have those memories anymore. They were completely swallowed by all the torture she put me through. A lot of my early childhood doesn’t even exist in memories because of the things she used to do… my mind freezes and goes blank. I have signs of sexual abuse as a child but it’s all blocked out.
It’s why I started playing video games 18 hours a day from 15 to 18. When I turned 18 I moved across the country far far away and my life got better. I had friends that cared, good jobs, opportunity.
Even when I was living in Arizona… I was about to pay off my Audi, was looking at buying houses… had a salary job making more than her or dad without a degree at the age of 21-22. I even had my own business doing what I was doing at the salary job because I taught myself how to do it. That’s when the divorce hit… and she manipulated me into thinking that if I came home I could help fix it.. she literally gas lit me for weeks into thinking if I came home maybe the marriage would work out.. only to be turned into the scapegoat once again.. I gave up EVERYTHING I had to come try and help… I was very close to comitting suicide with my beretta .45 in the basement one night, crying in the hidden closet with my marijuana plants. That’s when I started doing research on narcissistic / sociopathic mothers and she checked literally every box. Every single story people had posted, every single behavior she had, was a clone of the narcissistic mother. Jesus Christ showed me true unconditional love and I never looked back.
That’s when I decided to sell my Audi’s and buy a propane powered van and move to the farm. Haven’t talked to her since. Now I’m strong enough to understand it, and see it for what it is.. and I’ve helped thousands of other young men deal with their own narcissistic mothers through my talks, communities, and website. But that’s the truth about who mom is. If you think hard enough, you’ll realize a lot of those opportunities she gave you were for her own benefit… I watched it happen when you traveled Europe and she invited herself to go as well. The reason she talked you into going there is because she wanted to go there.
The reason we went on vacations is because she wanted to go there. She wanted to look good in society. It had nothing to do with us as kids. She wanted to brag to neighbors, she wanted to look special.
This happened a few years ago when I sent Brent a text telling him how to cure Crohns disease by eating natural raw egg yolks because it worked for me. Sent him some pictures of Bacalar Mexico and he obviously showed them to mom because she emailed me for 1-2 months trying to come visit.
I will send you some articles about narcissistic mothers and for your own healing I really recommend taking the time to read them. I was never a difficult kid, bad kid, or any of the other things she said, I was simply strong enough to rebel against her control and she hated it. No one wants to accept this was my reality, this was my childhood, because it’s easier to say, well she’s not perfect or just ignore it to not stir up the pot, but that was my reality as a kid. All these stories are real, they happened, and as a little kid I had to find a way to deal with it without a mother or father, without anyone to talk to, without anyone having MY back. Everything good I had she tried to rip it away from me all because I rebelled against her manipulation.
My sisters reply to this e-mail.
If this is all you want to talk about I don’t want a relationship.
I am glad you have found a community and are happy. I hope your journey in life continues to bring you the things that you enjoy.
My reply to my sister.
Can’t even acknowledge the childhood I actually had without running away from the reality we lived. I see you’ve learned a lot from your mother. Too another 15 years of silence. Don’t forget to check out my TikTok. You can see your brother being a real human being which contradicts all the lies you’ve been fed.
Normally I don’t share memories and stories like this but I thought it could help some other young fellas out going through something similar. I know I’m not the only one that has gone through things like this but just know if you are going through the fire use it to forge your armor and become the warrior you were meant to be. Stay strong sigma.