Female validation can be an extremely positive and uplifting thing for a man when used in the correct context. A big hug from a loving grandma or mother can be amazing. However, the majority of the time I see women using it as bait to hook victims and begin to play with their emotions. Many women know how powerful their validation is and use it for their own benefit rather than for the man or boy.
This behavior is often times learned as a child. The young boy grows up with a mother who does exactly this. She uses her validation, time, and energy as cookies for the unsuspecting child. Abruptly cutting off this validation leaves the child in a state of confusion and terror as they try to grasp why their mother no longer gives them any attention. The mother is usually doing this to create an unhealthy dependency from the child onto her. Like locking down a victim for future infinite narcissistic supply.
If there are many children they will be used as pawn in this game of female validation. Like clock work the mother will rotate the children dealing out psychological trauma to each one as she builds her army of supply wagons. Young girls see their mother doing this to not only the children, but the husband and father as well. She starts to see how she can use her attention and validation to get what she wants rather than supporting her siblings and father. She begins having temper tantrums, pouting, and acting like a princess to get her way. This is all learned behavior.
The father has already been beaten down for the last 25 years so he is no match of defense for the children so the games continue. For years and years attention and female validation are used as a whipping stick for control and the mothers own personal need for attention and drama. Young boys are left in a psychological thunderstorm as they try to figure out why they feel the need to chase this validation.
Wondering why their mom doesn’t actually give a shit about them at all. This all carries over into dating and relationships obviously, along with a mess of other psychological issues that can cause self destruction and rage without dealing with it personally.
Often times young men are trained to be wild dogs on the hunt for this validation. As boys, they are caught in the crossfire of their own moms hunt for narcissistic supply. They have been in so many situations where the love, validation, and attention was cut off without notice. A young boy left to wonder why his mother only loves him when it’s convenient or when it suites her needs. He begins chasing this validation. Trying harder and harder to get his mothers attention only to fall short.
Men find them selves chasing this same validation in the dating game. They try and try and it never seems good enough. They chase this validation wondering why their wife, girlfriend, or date doesn’t care about them at all. It’s the same cycle repeating itself. Men chase girl after girl trying to find this validation that never seems to reveal itself. Often times these same princesses carry out the same tricks your mother used creating an easy cycle of abuse.
They will lie, manipulate, monkey branch, and do anything they can to get you completely hooked on their validation and attention. Like they are the only cook in the world and you’d starve without them. This is their goal. To have you crawling back time after time for a small cookie. This leaves you hooked in their world. It leaves you chasing their dreams and desires. It robs you of your own personality, soul, and life as you chase this validation.
Looking at your own child hood and self reflecting on it can have an enormous impact on how you view dating and women in general. Seeing the games and tricks they use keeps it from effecting you as much as it could if you were still chasing that validation in full force. Break the cycle and start validating yourself through personal growth and hobbies. Don’t allow these women to carry out the same cycle of abuse your parents did, and start your own personal journey without needing their validation in any way.